we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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