After last night, I could never be a politician.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
