when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize