I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
