My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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