Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
