I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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