I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
