I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
