My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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