I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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