My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
