You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
