dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
