They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
BRING THE BAGELS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
