it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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