There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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