How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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