the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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