hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
