If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
