Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The beer is more important than you right now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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