can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
