At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
