Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
