Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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