I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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