When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
