I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
