We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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