There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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