Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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