ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Boobs are out for the taking
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
