do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
