You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
