And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
