and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
