Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.