yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now