So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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