fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you