Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??