i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
