I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
