Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
