You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.