So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
