i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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