Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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