so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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