So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
