The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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