And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
