I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
