To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
