we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
