Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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