She is in my trunk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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