you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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