i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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