Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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