its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
