I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
