my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
