I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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