smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
