he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
