my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
