So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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