She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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