we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
