it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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