final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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