I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Randomize
