I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Let's get the cat blown out
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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