I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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