i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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