Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
