What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
