she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
