shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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