We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I die, sorry about rent.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize