If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
