Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Randomize
