$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
