I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Randomize
