Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
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grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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