these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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