when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
