Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
