I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
