Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
