Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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