I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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